she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize