God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
