I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Never underestimate the power of titties
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