don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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