watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
