I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
