I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
