I am spending my child support on dildos
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
