even my farts smell like vagina
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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