Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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