i was born a porn star she said
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
