Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
