i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
