I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
