Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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