please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
