You're completely useless in the revolution.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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