If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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