You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
