I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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