So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
