Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
