Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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