The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
