Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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