ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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