she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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