just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
