Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
