I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What drink are we having for lunch?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
