all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
