woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you inspire me to be a worse person
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
