Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
