Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize