Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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