I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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