And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
