How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
