Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
