I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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