It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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