somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
