hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
