We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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