I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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