so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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