New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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