NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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