Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm too high and old for this...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
