hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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