i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
