And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
