he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
