Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The uberlube is also flammable
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
