great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
