She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
