What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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