Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
