your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I CAN MOONWALK!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
