Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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