what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just invented taco cereal.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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