The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
