I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When are your genitals available?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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