i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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