Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
