so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
